Saturday, April 28, 2007

5j will not be repeated.


In everyone’s eyes, it seems to be all fun and games. A sudden outburst and fingers pointing accommodates the scene. Tempers blare and emotions erupt. An unwanted incident brought 2 brothers head on while the 3 of us can only watch hopelessly.
Standing on the fence protecting them against one another and shielding them from their Fucks and Anger is easier in theory. I stood on the fence weighing both their stories which seems similar. Those who do not know, thinks that my sudden burst accompanied by laughter is an act of sohai-ness. They have not witness 5J! And they never will as I will not allow that to every happen again. No, not infront of my brothers. I hv vowed to nvr vent my anger on them. So, i take this opportunity to apologize to all of u for being unable to control my temper, that i allowed myself to raise my voice to u all. For this, i am truly sorry!
It hurts down to my spine to see them argue. They are family and witnessing that is a pain. If I was not acting like I had, I would’ve smacked both of them for fighting. Liks and danny were there and im sure this ‘event’ affects them deeply too. What are we to do but to ride out the storm and try our best to be there for them….and us.
Their problem is ours to share, their burden ours to carry. The root of the problem was a misunderstanding that was not solved in time. It’s over now. And I believe this torn will not affect our relationship. After all, blood is thicker than water and our brotherhood will never cease to grow!

Second to None.


Dread

As I review back on what I penned for writing. A feeling of dread fills my mind. The most I can get is a mere 48 and this I hv been already very generous. ZzzZz

Friday, April 27, 2007

Sweet, sweet!

There is definitely worry on both my parents faces every time the thought of me wanting to study medicine surfaces. It is distinct as it is very real. They know that im an airheaded a** and that when I’ve set my mind onto smth, ill most prolly never change it. Unless of coz, im proven that it’s totally wrong.
There will always be a 5mins reserved slot for me during dinner where the topic emerges. They will ask over & over again if I really wanted to be a doctor and they will go on to repeat themselves that it’ll be better for me to pursue other academic choices. Then they’ll bust my ass for NOT studying. It will eventually lead to my dad having insufficient money to put me thru med sch. And that the only way they gonna afford it is by using their EPF. Hmmm? Got a feeling their just trying to make me feel bad. After all the arrogance and bragging to us kids he says he doesnt have money. =.=

Ytd my dad popped a qn at me which got me thinking a lil.

Dad : What r u gonna do if u cant get into medicine?
Me : Never thought of that.
Dad : U hv to.

I know I should plan and am thinking long & hard what to pursue IF may god forbid I do not get into medicine. Hmmmph, these are matters better left for when I’ve got nthg better to do.
I like it when ppl underestimate me. Lolz, no im not crazy! I enjoy proving them wrong then being able to bust their ass afters with my victory march. It’s not so much that im over-confident it’s that im confident in my abilities to overcome all challenges thrown at me. This is getting exciting. =)

Thursday, April 26, 2007

MUET

IT seems that I’ve been a lil lagging lately. I was either too lazy or when I lay my hands on the keyboard, mental block! It’s not so much that I’ve got nthg to type bout but rather the fact that I’ve too much that I couldn’t figure out which topic I should embark on. XD, rite.. just believe what I just said ok?
MUET exam will be in 2 days time and im shaking to my bones. It is just English after all but the thought of it being an exam is exhilarating. It’s not to say I hate exams, no, I love exams. I just hate what comes AFTER sitting for the exam. Anyway, Writing, Reading and listening will be held from 8 till 1 after which im free to roam for a lil bit before I prepare for SPEAKING which is a @#$^&%$^$.
No1 received a band 6 for the MUET trial. It was depressing to say the least, those who were slated to get band 6 did not fulfill the expectations. Most of us were pulled down by the reading comprehension which in chris’s and my mind is definitely a pain in the ass. Why can they only have writing eh? Oh wells good luck to every1 who’s sitting for the paper. Good luck to you, bobo and good luck to myself too. For this time, I wouldn’t say I don’t need luck! ;) CHEERS

Sunday, April 22, 2007

WE believe

If God was lil unkind to me, the fall I had 2 years back would’ve rendered me to a wheelchair for life. It still hurts sometimes which only reinforces the memory of that day. My fall was broken but I still landed in the drain but with the impact severely minimized. I owe my mobility to them. Hahaha.
WE believe that our unity will get us through thick and thin. Our brotherhood seems strong even tho it’s weak. WE believe that somehow we will always stick together? Our slideshow for campfire managed to cement the crowds on their seat. It was a 1st since all of em will leave after RA. The background music were “All my life – KC & Jojo and WE believe – Good charlotte.” It was touching to say the least, no words could describe the feeling we all felt that moment.
The songs now appear to be just like any other. However, to the 11 of us (Maybe all 11?) the song warps us to another place of another time with memories we shared so full that we seem to almost drown in it. When we’re warped back into reality, tears would build up but none will flow.
If God was a lil unkind to me, anand and liks wouldn’t hv been there to break my fall. If I was a lil unlucky, I wouldn’t hv gained 10 ‘bros’ which are pain in the asses but will always hold a special place in me. Cheers

Friday, April 20, 2007

RA

I am an asshole in that I do not know when to give up. Actually, I don’t give up even at the most dire situation. I don’t know why but I’ve always held on to the belief that when there’s a will there’s definitely a hidden way. However, there are times where I came very close to throwing in the towel. I don’t know why, but apparently that asshole of me left me when I needed him to stay the most. Ironic!
I’ll most probably be flying tuition tmrw. Altho I know I should be focusing on my studies but… RA is way much more exciting and thrilling then sitting at the table looking at the man who wouldn’t help u with the problem even when u begged him to. The probability of falling and breaking a few bones is high but it is outweighed by the fun and the adrenalin rush when u’re climbing or when u reach the top.
RA is a sport. U scale the walls with ur bare hands and legs w/o any harness and only the slight relief that u have the mattress to break your fall. It is a sport which I enjoy and love. Maybe of it’s freestyle and because danger is always lurking. It’s the sort of enjoyment and fulfillment which I cannot explain.
Nevertheless, as I age and the fears of injuring myself seems so near and possible, it has hindered me from performing as radically as I used to. A mere look up the long pipe which I conquered so frivolously is enough to send chills down my spine. Alas, I will not be doing RA anymore. This year will be my last!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My fault as much as urs

Words seem to have lost me. Hmmmm, A PL has just reported to semang-kun that he got whacked up by one of the form 4’s who was furious that he skipped meeting. Well maybe he should be whacked a lil, but not to the extent of getting kicked. It is too much for me who I hv to admit is a lil crazy in the ragging department. I’ve had my fair share of being ragged and ragging to understand that my limits should be set as low as possible but high enough to get the msg across.
The report has been sent and can only be recovered with approval from his parents. Semang-kun seems dead set in suspending us but we cannot allow that to happen. Campfire’s 2 months away and suspension will jeopardize everything that we have planned. Hopefully the boy’s dad will agree in meeting with us on Friday to discuss how we can resolve this w/o getting our troops ass in line. We have to offer more than an apology but rite now that’s the only thing left on the table. There is nthg much we can do except to maybe pray for his kindness?
This all falls back on us, who were s’pose to ‘oversee’ things and making sure that things run as smooth as possible. It seems that we have failed both our troops and ourselves. I did not know bout this mess till today when I saw the PL’s infront of semang’s room and when I got back to class to relay what had happened they have the fucking nerve to tell me that they already know last week? WTF?
Nvm, what matters most now is avoiding suspension and the only way we can do that is to get the boy’s parents to agree to do so. That said, this is our fault more than it was the form 4’s. Our inability to guide is the cause of this mess in the 1st place. ZzzZzz

say yes

It is frustating to say the least. She seems to be avoiding me since, refusing even to make eye contact. Hmmm, i think maybe i went a lil too deep a lil too fast? But that cant be helped, it seems to the exploding to the pt that couldnt be contained. LOLz, speak of exaggeration - maybe a lil-. But being able to only look at from afar is seriously taking a toll. If only i hv the guts to go speak to her or maybe she could some speak to me? Ahhhh, i guess it'll be decided this week. Hopefully it'll be a yes.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

To You








妳是我的寶貝

Friday, April 13, 2007

More & more secular?

Flip the papers a few days back and find another billionaire just got back from a space vacation costing him millions which I think he don’t even care about. There was an article regarding our public transport which caught my eye. Segregation of train rides according to SEXES.
I will understand or try to if we were living somewhere near the desert where men have long unkempt beards while the women can only be seen thru her eyes. No wait, sometimes u cant even get a glimpse of their eyes.
Malaysia is not a secular country so we should not act like one. The motion in parliament to segregate train rides according to sexes because it MIGHT cause discomfort to the womenfolk is downright atrocious and I’ll go as far as to say stupid and pointless. I guess our parliamentarians had too much time f*ucking around until they contracted AIDS, making them intimidated by the very thought of touching another women.
Apparently there were complaints that a few women’s modesty was violated. It prolly should be during after office hours where the trains are crazily packed. Every1’s trying to get home as quickly as possible to the comfort of their homes and ridding that heavy coat of theirs. This urgency causes most of them to forget what lining up means making them to push, squeeze and scheme their way into the train neglecting that poor old lady waiting in line.
So, some good might come out from this segregated train shit. That poor old lady will hv no worries about some chauvinistic pig cutting her queue. She wouldn’t even have to fear that she will be unable to board the train since there are less females compared to males. But then again, she prolly has to contend with lesbo’s roaming the trains for a free grab or two. But then again, we only care bout the guys who grope women and not about women groping women.
And what about those poor old men? I guess they’ll just have to wait for some good Samaritan to assist them into the train eh? But then again, it’s only a sexist problem. And I bet the complaints were lodged by some fat and ugly malay pig who is too self-centered!

“A malay problem is a national problem. A Chinese problem is only a racial problem and an Indian problem is not even an eff-ing problem to begin with”

CHEERS

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Distance between....

Losing 10 points for my essay was quite a shocker for me. Altho I knew it wasn’t very good, but at least I knew it wasn’t heavy. For all the harrumphs I stated in my essay of looking from diff pov, I think I attacked the question from only 1. And I lost to chris by 4 pts! Asshole! And teacher wanna photostat his essay. Oh, the salt on my wound!! Hahaha…
Alas, altho it wasn’t heavy, it wasn’t “soft” either. I don’t really grasp what soft means but I wasn’t gonna ask blatantly what it means. It just aint politically correct! Anyways, I can only guess that my essay are just too serious or distant. Or in ying ling’s word which teacher agreed too academic. Man, those Time and Economist mags are might be really getting into me. There was also one more thing which pn. vasantha said that got my mind churning on afterburners.
Im an asshole in sharing things about me. I hate it for it exposes me making me feel vulnerable. However, I do share some things with ppl close to me. Nevertheless, what I share can be considered limited and I try to remain vague and make it sound like a joke at best. I like to let ppl know as lil as possible bout me and what they know is what I want them to know and what they do not know they will never know unless of coz I let them know what they do not know.
It’s prolly not good for relationships but I cant promise that I’ll act the same way towards her as I did with other ppl. Hmmm, maybe i’m diff in different situations. Well the last one has thought me to at least share some if not all or im gonna lose those i care about. Time shall be my witness eh? But as they say, old habits die hard! Hahah
Cheers! And chris I’ll keep that 4 pts in mind so that I’ll beat ur ass the next time I write an essay which hopefully will be light and soft enough for their liking! =.=.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

She takes my stuff and steals my money!!!

I hate my sis. She takes my money w/o telling me and will not admit even when i bust her ass. Or she says to lend her and promises to pay me back yet pulls the blur look when i ask for it. Fine!

Then she takes my stuff w.o telling me either. my phone, my car, my card etc. Oh i didnt know she owns every i own! =.=. But then i guess all elder sisters are like that. Evil-leeches-who-only-takes-youngest-bro's money.

I just woke up from an afternoon siesta lasting about 2 hours. My attempt to wake up at 6 had been foiled when i rose from my bed, turn off the alarm and flung myself back to the comfort of my pillow.

So i came down expecting to find my phone exactly where i left it. Alas, it was not to be, it's been moved and thither where i ought to hv know! I took my dad's phone and started dialing my phone up in hope to hear it ring. But all i heard was the swoosh of the toilet! My phone was in silent mode =.=. I kept on dialing my number yet no1 picked up. If it's lodge somewhere in btw some crevasse, it would've been lost forever since there's no way of 'hearing' it's position.

What the heck, after about the 6th time, my sis picked it up and cooly stated, yea i took ur phone. Bye! WTF!!! I dont like her!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Unstable rock

The Institution of Victoria is slowly disintegrating by itself. The social structure is collapsing, threatening to bring everything that once stood with it. The proud Victorian’s existence is by itself diminishing and we know it. This is not sudden yet is caused by a few underlying reasons stretched over the years.
We have always been a semi-autonomous school with the school administration running everything else except the students. The students were indeed controlled and looked after by the upper formers and the prefects. This has been going on since the school was established 100 over years ago but the recent batches of administration deemed this unfit to be applied in the 21st century.
They took over the selection of prefects -the core artery of the school- making choices from the recommendations of teachers who insisted on installing pets, work dogs and people who listen too much when at times like this, we are in dire need of thinkers, leaders, and worthy men. But that’s not to say all of them are, just most. Instilling unworthy student as prefects has robbed the board of its prestige and respect. Eyes which used to stare in wonder and fear now look with disappointment and hopelessness. The administration should’ve never interfered with the selection of the Prefects.
Since appearing on the national newspapers, there has been a crackdown on ragging in schools. This is fairly welcomed since children are getting more and more protected and a mere slap on the hand might land you a court meeting. However, let us not forget that we are in an all boys school and we have to learn that our parents will not always be there to shield us. I remember vividly what my dad told me sometime ago, “Go and study, go and run around and go get into a fight. Then decide which is fun and which hurts.”
However, the school might have gone too far or disillusioned by their ‘white knight’ role that they will punish or suspend anyone suspecting of ragging without a full investigation. Take the recent case of the KRS where a boy reported to the P.k. H.E.M. that he was ragged. The leaders of the club were brought up to the discipline board where they were sentenced rather speedily to suspension till further notice. Eye witness exclaimed that no ragging occurred and the only contact made was a kick to the shin when the boy was doing push-ups –which is quite normal-. Nevertheless, the eye witness’s account was dismissed. It is inappropriate and wrong for the board to have acted thus. It portrays that the system is unfair and at worst corrupted where personal interest overshadow the rule of justice.
If there’s even any! Let me tell you a story, “2 prefects went out to eat and they came back caught, they were both brown and so was he and they were free to roam. 3 prefects went out to eat and also came back caught, but none was brown and he starts to frown and throws them into the box. They were looked upon and stripped to the toe and finally sent away!” How is it possible that two similar scenarios are handed so differently and the latter so ruthlessly that even people on the fringe felt wronged? Absurd……absurd…….absurd!
There used to be around 200 over first formers every year but the number has been dwindling for the past few years to about only 150 or so. This could be because the name of Victoria Institution no longer strikes home in people’s hearts or that the school is becoming more particular in the students she chooses to admit. Nevertheless, it is still alarming that then number of students is diminishing so quickly. Accompanying the drop is the unbalanced ratio of the racial mix. It used to be 50% Bumiputeras, 30% Chinese and 20% Indian however; the ratio has changed dramatically with a sharp rise in the number of bumiputeras selected and dips in the other two races. It is unclear if the school has any special racial preferences or if it’s an order from higher authorities but the change in the ratio is disadvantageous to both the school and the students itself.
Malaysia is a multi racial country and integration of the races is paramount to the stability of the country. The best location for implementing this is in schools and institution of learning. If the ratio of the races is severely handicapped which is the case now in VI where 80% of 1st formers are Bumiputeras while 10% are Chinese and the other 10% Indians. This forces the minority to mingle more amongst themselves than with other races. That’s that for muhibbah.
Opportunely, a new hostel block has been constructed and there are rumours of VI changing into a full boarding school. This would explain the increase in the number of bumiputeras selected for they are more willing to live in hostels. I am however, questioning the practicality –if it’s true- of having a full boarding school in the heart of K.L. The students are mostly from or live near the city and the public transport is ubiquitous. Furthermore, can students be contained within the school compound at night when the attractions of the city’s night life are just a couple of blocks away?
The money spent on constructing a new hostel block should’ve instead been channelled to other parts of the school that requires more funding. For instance, the money should’ve been spent on upgrading the basic infrastructure of the school, repairing and improving the sporting facilities and of course, better toilets. Yet, the interest of many is second-rate to providing comfort for the few. Once again, it’s a case of misguided principles and failure to prioritize, something which we’ve been taught since we were young but I guess wisdom forsakes a few old men and we’re all just unlucky to have them in our midst.

Friday, April 06, 2007

A loss felt by all

A guy in form 5 has just passed away today. No matter how unknown he was, his loss was a loss felt by all of us. I did not know his face, i dont know his class and i dont even know his name. But when one of us is gone, his disappareance never goes unnoticed. A 1 minute of silence during lines was a show of respect, a respect we hold towards our fellow victorian!




My Perception is that you dont love those you admire.....so, yea =). But do tell if im wrong.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

what do i do...

The easiest thing for me to do yet I couldn’t not do it. Unexplainable but I am struck speechless every time I touch the chord. Phone calls lasting less than a minute or filled partially with silence aint a very nice. But it didn’t stop me from trying, it compelled me to try harder the next time. Funny….
I don’t understand this feeling im experiencing rite now. One part of me is screaming for confrontation whilst the other cowers in fear of what might happen. It’s amplified even further as I can’t gauge her thoughts and my guesses are almost always off the mark.
What do I do...zzzz

Sunday, April 01, 2007