As I was taking a leak in the toilet this very evening itself, a sudden thought came to me. It might be my conscience speaking but then again this type of thinking almost always show up at the weirdest of times.
“The only reason im not tensed up and hving this no frails attitude is becoz I could not comprehend the severity of my failure!”
That might be right tho, at least to a certain extent. I hv already set my mind on the fact that I’ll flop this exam and will or can only start studying after June when all the co-curricular ends. At the same time however, there’s a constant knocking right at the back of my head which tells me that if I cant even handle mid-term how am I gonna handle STPM?
This fuels a debate within me and I sometimes think I hv 2 different personalities with totally opposite thoughts and preferences. It’s weird that I know what I should do but I wouldn’t do it or if I did, it’ll be too late. Then that other guy will come busting my ass for not doing what I knew I should’ve done. Or if I did smth wrong, he’ll come running to kick my ass for doing smth so stupid which I know I shouldn’t hv done. Hmmmmm…..
I hv studied today however, and im planning to study again for a lil bit. In btw now and then tho, I spent a few hours dota-ing, and another hour sleeping. I hv the tendency to console myself by saying failure is just another step towards success but blardy hell, failure is a very very small step indeed IF you don’t do anything to correct the wrong.
So once again, it’s not that I don’t know what to do. Some guy inside of me is just preventing me from doing it or making me procrastinate till it’s too late. After all, he told me that maybe I just couldn’t comprehend failure which is truly quite foreign.
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