Going Down Fighting!

When problems arise, it normally causes frustration. When that problem is hard or cannot be solved, the frustration boils up to anger. More often then not, this causes the person to quit trying solving the problem. But there are some who wouldn’t give up at all cost. The will continue to fight every battle until the war is won….or lost thoroughly. This inability to give up or let go could be both good & bad.
I am an asshole, for I belong to the group that just wouldn’t give up. No matter how bleak the situation looks, I somehow will find smth to push me to just fight that little bit longer. For I hold on to the belief that if I do not give up, I still have the chance to succeed and to achieve what I desire. With this belief, I harp on things that matters to me. Clinging on to them like a lost child who found his mom. Sometimes it produces beautiful results, other times I crash and burn.
It’s crappy to think of ppl that I’ve hurt or disappointed. It sucks when ppl place high hopes on me and I couldn’t live up to it. I needn’t go very far for an example. My parents have always aspired for me to get good results. They are not hoping for fabulous results like all A’s although it would be fantastic if I could. Nevertheless, when I presented to them my report card for my finals, they weren’t pleased. I could sniff a hint of disappointment in their voice but I could smell anger too. Altho they still managed to maintain their composure, it can’t be mistaken.
Anyhow, I know I’ve done badly and I too am angry with myself. The ultimate competition is with urself and it seems that I always seem to lose to my other half. Thru yrs of gaming, I’ve gained the ability of not being able to concentrate on my studies. Apparently when I open books, I get stunned, net or even lulled to sleep. It is a problem which is getting worse and is depressing. Even more so since my ultimate responsibility now, is to study.
But this doesn’t mean I should give up rite? After all, I’ve taken the 1st step of acknowledging that I have a problem. Now I just have to continue waging war for I might have lost the battle but the war is not over yet. But even if it is, I’ll continue fighting for after all, I am an asshole.