HELP NEEDED!

Tell-tale signs that my england is deteriorating:

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHOWCASE 1:

ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:28 PM):
tell jia hui
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:28 PM):
we go pekaka eat after we play <--- ngor dei hei pekaka sik
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:28 PM):
XD
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:29 PM):
fucker my english is deteriorating
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:29 PM):
we go eat in pekaka after we play
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:29 PM):
:D
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:29 PM):
we go eat in pekaka after we finish playing football

Took me 3 tries to finally get it right. God help me!


SHOWCASE 2:
C-L-E-M-E-N-T says (5:32 PM):
wat time meet
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:32 PM):
6
C-L-E-M-E-N-T says (5:32 PM):
kok huat playing
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:32 PM):
at there <----- in cantonese it's: "hai gor dou"
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:32 PM):
WHAT
THE FUCK MY ENGLAND
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:32 PM):
on the field
ØUîçKŠÏLVÆ® says (5:32 PM):
at there tim \(


I am looking for an english teacher! In need of english classes... pronto!