What's UR CGPA?

Thursday 03-07-08

After undergoing orientation for about a week, actually today’s just the 4^th day and tmrw will be the last; we finally have some free time to ourselves. We’ve been tortured with speeches and presentation in which some could really bore u to sleep! Then they did what normally would hv been done, introduce us newbies to our campus, stating how good, how grand the campus is. Really very much like how we did it in VI except that we were doing it to recruit boy scouts.

This orientation’s easy for me coz I’ve heard that it’s worse in other uni’s and besides I don’t think there’s anything that could be worse or best SR Month. The only thing I find dissatisfactory is the fact that there aint no hot water, I hv to do my own laundry, my beds so short my legs protrude over it and it’s curry…curry and more curry.

I am gonna tell you guys bout my living experience here but not yet! I’ll do it soon but for today I’ve smth to say\rant\emo about.

The people who come here most of them chose to be here because to them USM is truly one of the best universities in Malaysia. I did choose to be here but I wasn’t sure if I’ll get accepted. Getting in for me was a massive stroke of luck whereas they KNEW they’ll be stepping into this campus. They CGPA ranged from 3.5 to 4.0 except for a few specials who scored lower. And where do I stand? At the damn bottom!! I was forced to calculate my CGPA again and it’s a miserable 3.1. How the fuck did I even get accepted? DO I deserve to be in here?

I’m deeply embarrassed to talk bout my pointers but all I can do when asked is to eat my shame and swallow it into my gut and reply as non-chalantly as I possibly can and wait for their reaction to stay still for a moment before they try to change the topic. However, most do not ask bout my pointer.

Am I inferior to them? NO effing way! But do I feel inferior to them? I do. For the first time since the day I collected my results I can truly say that I regret. I might hv said it b4 but this time it’s lethal. Im asking myself right at this moment that if I wasn’t dota-ing so much and wasn’t so arrogant to forgo tuition for certain subjects might I hv performed better?

But it doesn’t really matter now does it? I’ve done what I’ve done and all I can do now is to live with it, live with my shame and regret until I am able to banish it from myself and turn a new leaf.