RA

I am an asshole in that I do not know when to give up. Actually, I don’t give up even at the most dire situation. I don’t know why but I’ve always held on to the belief that when there’s a will there’s definitely a hidden way. However, there are times where I came very close to throwing in the towel. I don’t know why, but apparently that asshole of me left me when I needed him to stay the most. Ironic!
I’ll most probably be flying tuition tmrw. Altho I know I should be focusing on my studies but… RA is way much more exciting and thrilling then sitting at the table looking at the man who wouldn’t help u with the problem even when u begged him to. The probability of falling and breaking a few bones is high but it is outweighed by the fun and the adrenalin rush when u’re climbing or when u reach the top.
RA is a sport. U scale the walls with ur bare hands and legs w/o any harness and only the slight relief that u have the mattress to break your fall. It is a sport which I enjoy and love. Maybe of it’s freestyle and because danger is always lurking. It’s the sort of enjoyment and fulfillment which I cannot explain.
Nevertheless, as I age and the fears of injuring myself seems so near and possible, it has hindered me from performing as radically as I used to. A mere look up the long pipe which I conquered so frivolously is enough to send chills down my spine. Alas, I will not be doing RA anymore. This year will be my last!

My fault as much as urs

Words seem to have lost me. Hmmmm, A PL has just reported to semang-kun that he got whacked up by one of the form 4’s who was furious that he skipped meeting. Well maybe he should be whacked a lil, but not to the extent of getting kicked. It is too much for me who I hv to admit is a lil crazy in the ragging department. I’ve had my fair share of being ragged and ragging to understand that my limits should be set as low as possible but high enough to get the msg across.
The report has been sent and can only be recovered with approval from his parents. Semang-kun seems dead set in suspending us but we cannot allow that to happen. Campfire’s 2 months away and suspension will jeopardize everything that we have planned. Hopefully the boy’s dad will agree in meeting with us on Friday to discuss how we can resolve this w/o getting our troops ass in line. We have to offer more than an apology but rite now that’s the only thing left on the table. There is nthg much we can do except to maybe pray for his kindness?
This all falls back on us, who were s’pose to ‘oversee’ things and making sure that things run as smooth as possible. It seems that we have failed both our troops and ourselves. I did not know bout this mess till today when I saw the PL’s infront of semang’s room and when I got back to class to relay what had happened they have the fucking nerve to tell me that they already know last week? WTF?
Nvm, what matters most now is avoiding suspension and the only way we can do that is to get the boy’s parents to agree to do so. That said, this is our fault more than it was the form 4’s. Our inability to guide is the cause of this mess in the 1st place. ZzzZzz

say yes

It is frustating to say the least. She seems to be avoiding me since, refusing even to make eye contact. Hmmm, i think maybe i went a lil too deep a lil too fast? But that cant be helped, it seems to the exploding to the pt that couldnt be contained. LOLz, speak of exaggeration - maybe a lil-. But being able to only look at from afar is seriously taking a toll. If only i hv the guts to go speak to her or maybe she could some speak to me? Ahhhh, i guess it'll be decided this week. Hopefully it'll be a yes.

To You

妳是我的寶貝

More & more secular?

Flip the papers a few days back and find another billionaire just got back from a space vacation costing him millions which I think he don’t even care about. There was an article regarding our public transport which caught my eye. Segregation of train rides according to SEXES.
I will understand or try to if we were living somewhere near the desert where men have long unkempt beards while the women can only be seen thru her eyes. No wait, sometimes u cant even get a glimpse of their eyes.
Malaysia is not a secular country so we should not act like one. The motion in parliament to segregate train rides according to sexes because it MIGHT cause discomfort to the womenfolk is downright atrocious and I’ll go as far as to say stupid and pointless. I guess our parliamentarians had too much time f*ucking around until they contracted AIDS, making them intimidated by the very thought of touching another women.
Apparently there were complaints that a few women’s modesty was violated. It prolly should be during after office hours where the trains are crazily packed. Every1’s trying to get home as quickly as possible to the comfort of their homes and ridding that heavy coat of theirs. This urgency causes most of them to forget what lining up means making them to push, squeeze and scheme their way into the train neglecting that poor old lady waiting in line.
So, some good might come out from this segregated train shit. That poor old lady will hv no worries about some chauvinistic pig cutting her queue. She wouldn’t even have to fear that she will be unable to board the train since there are less females compared to males. But then again, she prolly has to contend with lesbo’s roaming the trains for a free grab or two. But then again, we only care bout the guys who grope women and not about women groping women.
And what about those poor old men? I guess they’ll just have to wait for some good Samaritan to assist them into the train eh? But then again, it’s only a sexist problem. And I bet the complaints were lodged by some fat and ugly malay pig who is too self-centered!

“A malay problem is a national problem. A Chinese problem is only a racial problem and an Indian problem is not even an eff-ing problem to begin with”

CHEERS

Distance between....

Losing 10 points for my essay was quite a shocker for me. Altho I knew it wasn’t very good, but at least I knew it wasn’t heavy. For all the harrumphs I stated in my essay of looking from diff pov, I think I attacked the question from only 1. And I lost to chris by 4 pts! Asshole! And teacher wanna photostat his essay. Oh, the salt on my wound!! Hahaha…
Alas, altho it wasn’t heavy, it wasn’t “soft” either. I don’t really grasp what soft means but I wasn’t gonna ask blatantly what it means. It just aint politically correct! Anyways, I can only guess that my essay are just too serious or distant. Or in ying ling’s word which teacher agreed too academic. Man, those Time and Economist mags are might be really getting into me. There was also one more thing which pn. vasantha said that got my mind churning on afterburners.
Im an asshole in sharing things about me. I hate it for it exposes me making me feel vulnerable. However, I do share some things with ppl close to me. Nevertheless, what I share can be considered limited and I try to remain vague and make it sound like a joke at best. I like to let ppl know as lil as possible bout me and what they know is what I want them to know and what they do not know they will never know unless of coz I let them know what they do not know.
It’s prolly not good for relationships but I cant promise that I’ll act the same way towards her as I did with other ppl. Hmmm, maybe i’m diff in different situations. Well the last one has thought me to at least share some if not all or im gonna lose those i care about. Time shall be my witness eh? But as they say, old habits die hard! Hahah
Cheers! And chris I’ll keep that 4 pts in mind so that I’ll beat ur ass the next time I write an essay which hopefully will be light and soft enough for their liking! =.=.

She takes my stuff and steals my money!!!

I hate my sis. She takes my money w/o telling me and will not admit even when i bust her ass. Or she says to lend her and promises to pay me back yet pulls the blur look when i ask for it. Fine!

Then she takes my stuff w.o telling me either. my phone, my car, my card etc. Oh i didnt know she owns every i own! =.=. But then i guess all elder sisters are like that. Evil-leeches-who-only-takes-youngest-bro's money.

I just woke up from an afternoon siesta lasting about 2 hours. My attempt to wake up at 6 had been foiled when i rose from my bed, turn off the alarm and flung myself back to the comfort of my pillow.

So i came down expecting to find my phone exactly where i left it. Alas, it was not to be, it's been moved and thither where i ought to hv know! I took my dad's phone and started dialing my phone up in hope to hear it ring. But all i heard was the swoosh of the toilet! My phone was in silent mode =.=. I kept on dialing my number yet no1 picked up. If it's lodge somewhere in btw some crevasse, it would've been lost forever since there's no way of 'hearing' it's position.

What the heck, after about the 6th time, my sis picked it up and cooly stated, yea i took ur phone. Bye! WTF!!! I dont like her!

Unstable rock

The Institution of Victoria is slowly disintegrating by itself. The social structure is collapsing, threatening to bring everything that once stood with it. The proud Victorian’s existence is by itself diminishing and we know it. This is not sudden yet is caused by a few underlying reasons stretched over the years.
We have always been a semi-autonomous school with the school administration running everything else except the students. The students were indeed controlled and looked after by the upper formers and the prefects. This has been going on since the school was established 100 over years ago but the recent batches of administration deemed this unfit to be applied in the 21st century.
They took over the selection of prefects -the core artery of the school- making choices from the recommendations of teachers who insisted on installing pets, work dogs and people who listen too much when at times like this, we are in dire need of thinkers, leaders, and worthy men. But that’s not to say all of them are, just most. Instilling unworthy student as prefects has robbed the board of its prestige and respect. Eyes which used to stare in wonder and fear now look with disappointment and hopelessness. The administration should’ve never interfered with the selection of the Prefects.
Since appearing on the national newspapers, there has been a crackdown on ragging in schools. This is fairly welcomed since children are getting more and more protected and a mere slap on the hand might land you a court meeting. However, let us not forget that we are in an all boys school and we have to learn that our parents will not always be there to shield us. I remember vividly what my dad told me sometime ago, “Go and study, go and run around and go get into a fight. Then decide which is fun and which hurts.”
However, the school might have gone too far or disillusioned by their ‘white knight’ role that they will punish or suspend anyone suspecting of ragging without a full investigation. Take the recent case of the KRS where a boy reported to the P.k. H.E.M. that he was ragged. The leaders of the club were brought up to the discipline board where they were sentenced rather speedily to suspension till further notice. Eye witness exclaimed that no ragging occurred and the only contact made was a kick to the shin when the boy was doing push-ups –which is quite normal-. Nevertheless, the eye witness’s account was dismissed. It is inappropriate and wrong for the board to have acted thus. It portrays that the system is unfair and at worst corrupted where personal interest overshadow the rule of justice.
If there’s even any! Let me tell you a story, “2 prefects went out to eat and they came back caught, they were both brown and so was he and they were free to roam. 3 prefects went out to eat and also came back caught, but none was brown and he starts to frown and throws them into the box. They were looked upon and stripped to the toe and finally sent away!” How is it possible that two similar scenarios are handed so differently and the latter so ruthlessly that even people on the fringe felt wronged? Absurd……absurd…….absurd!
There used to be around 200 over first formers every year but the number has been dwindling for the past few years to about only 150 or so. This could be because the name of Victoria Institution no longer strikes home in people’s hearts or that the school is becoming more particular in the students she chooses to admit. Nevertheless, it is still alarming that then number of students is diminishing so quickly. Accompanying the drop is the unbalanced ratio of the racial mix. It used to be 50% Bumiputeras, 30% Chinese and 20% Indian however; the ratio has changed dramatically with a sharp rise in the number of bumiputeras selected and dips in the other two races. It is unclear if the school has any special racial preferences or if it’s an order from higher authorities but the change in the ratio is disadvantageous to both the school and the students itself.
Malaysia is a multi racial country and integration of the races is paramount to the stability of the country. The best location for implementing this is in schools and institution of learning. If the ratio of the races is severely handicapped which is the case now in VI where 80% of 1st formers are Bumiputeras while 10% are Chinese and the other 10% Indians. This forces the minority to mingle more amongst themselves than with other races. That’s that for muhibbah.
Opportunely, a new hostel block has been constructed and there are rumours of VI changing into a full boarding school. This would explain the increase in the number of bumiputeras selected for they are more willing to live in hostels. I am however, questioning the practicality –if it’s true- of having a full boarding school in the heart of K.L. The students are mostly from or live near the city and the public transport is ubiquitous. Furthermore, can students be contained within the school compound at night when the attractions of the city’s night life are just a couple of blocks away?
The money spent on constructing a new hostel block should’ve instead been channelled to other parts of the school that requires more funding. For instance, the money should’ve been spent on upgrading the basic infrastructure of the school, repairing and improving the sporting facilities and of course, better toilets. Yet, the interest of many is second-rate to providing comfort for the few. Once again, it’s a case of misguided principles and failure to prioritize, something which we’ve been taught since we were young but I guess wisdom forsakes a few old men and we’re all just unlucky to have them in our midst.

A loss felt by all

A guy in form 5 has just passed away today. No matter how unknown he was, his loss was a loss felt by all of us. I did not know his face, i dont know his class and i dont even know his name. But when one of us is gone, his disappareance never goes unnoticed. A 1 minute of silence during lines was a show of respect, a respect we hold towards our fellow victorian!




My Perception is that you dont love those you admire.....so, yea =). But do tell if im wrong.

what do i do...

The easiest thing for me to do yet I couldn’t not do it. Unexplainable but I am struck speechless every time I touch the chord. Phone calls lasting less than a minute or filled partially with silence aint a very nice. But it didn’t stop me from trying, it compelled me to try harder the next time. Funny….
I don’t understand this feeling im experiencing rite now. One part of me is screaming for confrontation whilst the other cowers in fear of what might happen. It’s amplified even further as I can’t gauge her thoughts and my guesses are almost always off the mark.
What do I do...zzzz

Where.....who's the ape???

It’s impressive to see an ape or a monkey using tools almost man-made like overcoming man-made challenges which were made by….man to gauge the animal’s ability to think if even possible like a man. It’s impressive for we nvr imagine they could.
It is equally fascinating if not least terrifying to see man defying gravity acting like a monkey. To be able to climb up the petronas twin towers with only his hands maybe he’s more fated to be a monkey. Or that his genes were mixed up. But then again for that to happen, im accusing an ape of making his mom pregnant or that an ape gave birth to him…. In which I won’t since that’s overly obscene and inappropriate.

Well according to Darwin’s theory of evolution, we evolved from apes. Well they are the most similar from the animal kingdom. Imagine some Halfof guy coming up with a theory that we evolved from rats. Now, it aint very nice being somewhat related to rodents now iszit? Apes stand out from the rest of the animals as in their can think and have a decodable language.
But I don’t understand what’s so great about being a close relative to an animal. Is it much more ‘ying’ then being just human? Maybe coz we’re so bored that we resort to finding some hairy and rough animal to compare with thus showing our superiority and thus reaffirming the belief that we should rule the world not the other way around.
However, if indeed we evolved from apes, then why iszit that we have not witness an ape evolving to one of us? It couldn’t be that evolutions stops once a modern human was born. Heck, evolution cant even tell a diff between an ass and a horse. It just keep evolving blindly( actually no, it’s proven that evolution is very picky but what the heck) creating some new organism all the time. SO WHERE IS THE APE EVOLVING INTO A HUMAN?

Woots

I had never fathomed it to be this difficult. No, I did not even know. This is smth which I’ve embarked upon, smth new. I never liked jumping into the darkness, im those who like to know what’s in my hand and what I can do with it. But apparently once in awhile, a leap of faith is required eh?
I’ve consulted many and apparently I aint good at this. Lolz, lemme rephrase; I aint not good, I suck! ;). Apparently skill is required, so is sincerity and perseverance. All of which I have! But my skill is shabby, sincerity concealed and I hang on too long a lil too late.
I was cajoled into it. Well I think deep down I had wanted to do it but having neither the guts nor the know-hows, I needed a push…from someone, somethings. So as crappy as it is and as suspenseful as it was, im already in and there’s no turning back. I wonder what will happen?

I dunno what this is...

Time passes and things either grow or just fade away. Whatever that leaves an imprint on us is definitely worth remembering. It is always sweeter when we rekindle old memories than when living through it. It’s funny but we always hv the tendency to look back yet sometimes just fail to acknowledge the importance of that one moment.

Dont Bribe Me!

I was pancing-ed to liks's house at around 8 to do get the proposal for carnival done. I think i was pancing-ed. There was work and then there were stories bout the publisher and TIME's. Fine!

It was about 11 when we left and once again i was pancing-ed to send jovi home. So we were only bout 500m away from liks house when a police vehicle stopped next to us on the traffic light.

Nicks : Eh, jovi go pancing them!
Jovi : Ouh...
Nicks : *Waves his hand* Lime puluh ringgit! Wooo

Then they flashed us. Okay sonnuvab*tches we thought, stop playing with ur bright light. Then came another flash and we thought okay.

Jovi : Flash flash, later sound siren!

Just as the traffic light turned green came the holy blue lights. __ u nicks and jovi!

Apparently my brake light wasnt working and so was my rear light on the right. Bagus, am i s'pose to know that it aint working? Oh, and where was my P stickers? Prolly up someone's ass or smth for it wasnt on my car. But then again, i nvr did stick any P stickers.

So they wanted to saman! Good! and they asked for my wallet. *ting* * runs to car* *looks inside car* *scratches head*

me : uhh, bang tarak wallet la.... tak bawa!

Good, then they continues naming what i did wrong plus since no P and no license or IC.. 2 samans! Bagus! Then jovi gave his IC and so did nicks..... i think it was just for sho' and that sonnuvab*tch walks to his vehicle and pretends to key in smth.

We both continued bickering actually no, the police and jovi continued bickering with the police kept on saying, "macam mana?" with jovi apologising and saying we were just students and that we got back from our friend's place.

Basket just kept smiling and asking, "macam mana?" Finally i think he thought we didnt get the hint when we just didnt wanna bribe his fucking ass to timbaktu. He points to me and said, "Saya tanya dia, macam mana skrang?" and added " kamu belanja la!" Money scheming bastard!

me : Har? bang tolong la.. pelajar je.

I murmured 20 bucks! i think he didnt see or hear it coz he still kept up with his, "Macam mana?" I stole a glance at nicks who also murmured 20 and it was set.

Me and nicks : Uhh bang, 20 puluh je la, 10 from dia( points to nicks) 10 from dia ( points to jovi).
Sonnuvab*tch : hmm... belanja la! Boleh la!

We then walked to the front and i took 20 from nicks. I think put in on my palm and with the handshake gesture gave the despo the RM20 and took back both nicks and jovi's IC.

Irony was, the was a sticker on the windscreen which rang, " DONT BRIBE ME!"

Goooooooooooooooood!

Flair...where art thou' ?

As I lay on my bed with arms spread across the covers, I shut my eyes and it was quiet. I would of fallen asleep as soon as I laid save not from the thought of something or someone. Everything was whizzing in which complicates things further, through all the clutter were some ideas and some just plain crap.

Then it hit me, the core idea for which I will base my article from. I had not known why’d I even promised wai fun to write one for me. I hv not the commitment to write one. Alas, a promise is a promise and I will present her an article worthy to be included in the sch mag.

Piece by unsorted piece appeared with the main idea remaining vague…still. But smaller and maybe supporting ideas were creeping in from timbaktu to papua. Lol, if only I had the patience to jot them down and go thru it all, my job would’ve been 70% done. I tried to stay on my bed, but the urge to type it out was overwhelming. I rose and dashed to the comp quickly running Word. I had gone 3 paragraphs when I paused and began reading what I typed.

It was good, it made sense and it sounded almost philosophical. But there was no cohesion. There weren’t any link where they should’ve meshed like clay. It was inconsistent, lines either being too long or too short and too direct. It was CRAP!

My flair for writing seems to be lost in the wilderness in thoughts of her, and failed to return even when I did. I hv to recover it, it’ll take some time but I hv to recover it! The thoughts of her are already making my fingers hesitant and only in her absence can I write an excellent article… and not merely good.

Confused

I quote Barton Blaze, “If you don’t make a choice, the choice chooses you.” Making decisions is a part of our everyday life, from what we choose to eat to when we choose to shit. What we choose to do and what we chose not to. It might come easy, it might be hard but nevertheless you still have to decide when the time is right.

In hindsight, I’ve always known what I’ve wanted and what I need to do to achieve it. Altho, there are times which even if I knew what and how, I just wont. It might be due to my laziness or prolly my foolishness but it was still a decision.

To choose between a and b is quite the different from b and c for each possess different prospects and brings about changes that are surely gonna be different. It might sweep me off my feet or it could tie me down like a house or maybe it wont bring about any changes but only her presence which is more than enough.

Now, “the shield’s heavy and makes his movement wobbly, his helmet suffocating and blocks his view”( I quote the narrator of 300 XD). But unlike leonidas, I kept both my shield and my helmet on which might prove to be a bad decision but it is a decision after all.

Absence

I reason my absence with my lack of initiative to go & purchase a new modem after the old one got struck by lightning. The 1st 2 days were for finger pointing and pushing the blame which i no doubt won since i wasnt even at home that fateful day. It was all you bro.

Then came the time of arguing over who should pay for it and why. Since it was his fault, i very well aint gonna pay jacksh*t. The last 2 modems came out from my own pocket and it's already too much.

So here i am, back from the wilderness!!

Monthly test

The postponement of sports day was the ultimate ‘stim-cutter’ as all the events was done and finished and all that was left was tug-o-war and the announcing of the results. It prolly should be next fri – the date to resume- for monthly test starts tmrw and lasts till thurs.

I am neither ready nor do I hv the heart to take on this test. For the past weeks were a beehive of activity preparing for sports day. Chai and I both committed too much time and effort to sports and for it we sacrificed our studies for this period of time.

Being frank with my mom has always been easy for me. I told her straight up that I’ll flunk this test. She could only manage a sigh and then began rattling off a chain of advice + nag in which my only reply was “….”
It’s not that I did not want to study, it’s just that I seem to prioritize the wrong thing. However, sports day is over and ill hv no excuse to not focus on my studies. Nevertheless, I recognize 2 speed bumps ahead: Treasure hunt and Campfire ’07. All in all, I gotta keep my head above water and prioritize the things that need more attention. After all, it’s my future that im sinking in with now.

Hell 'hath no fury like a woman's scorn!!!

Progress was slow today; the ferris wheel didn’t turn out to be as grand and nice as it was meant to be and we haven’t even start on the ‘tandu’. Altho we stayed till 8 yet not much was accomplished.

Highlights : We sprayed green colour onto rolled up papers and smart as john chai was he refused to put newspapers on the ground b4 spraying. When Pn. Darlilah came, she threatened to send us to bilik semang. Ketara bangga being promoted to head of Sci & maths. With great power comes greater responsibility and now she is responsible over the drain too! How nice!!

Since chai and I were both having ants on our asses, we took the spray can and sprayed P T on pei theng’s car. I then called her out to show her the great art work. Woah…. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn! Her stare seems to pierce thru the eyes and she was pissy. No, VERY PISSED! She has one of those looks which blares out “look im having menstrual pains so im fucking pissy now, messy with me and I’ll spew my juice all over u!” Scary!!!

She didn’t talk nor even look at me and chai for 10-20 mins so I think u understand how grave the situation was. But she was okay after that and started laughing again. Phew...

- End –


Tmrw’s gonna be a long day. Since there’s so much left to do, we are planning to stay till we finish em all. Hopefully I don’t have to stay till after 10… I need my SLEEP!